Take the Leap

Journaling through the decision to "go"...these thoughts will be random, but just go with it...

I just wanna go...I feel like right now I don't fit in where I'm at. What I'm made for... I just wanna go and continue to experience life and the desire to get out there in this world...

Do i have to force my excitement through my passion for Christ and His kingdom...when I'm surrounded with people who are absolutely passionate about their job, and I am lacking that passion...is that okay? am I just not a passionate person, and the answer to that is a big NO. This is just not what I am suppose to do right now. I am suppose to GO right now. To serve abroad, to be submersed, to experience longevity and grow in cultural experience as I stay put in a foreign land.

As I reflect on my job and why God has brought me to the job I currently have to work as a coordinator for mission trips I see it as a stepping stone. I don't know what the end result will be or should be, but I do know that I want to be where the Lord is calling me to be and ever since college I have had the desire to go abroad, and not just go abroad- cause I've done that since then, but to live abroad. That right there is the difference. I have been blessed to experience different cultures through short term missions, but I don't want to be the "visitor" anymore. I want to live there, I want the people there to know I'm not just coming to "watch" them live, but to experience life with them. Again I am not sure why God is calling me to go, and what He will use this for...the only thing I want Him to use it for is His glory and the expansion of His Kingdom...and yes I can do that here in Portland, but He hasn't put this desire on my heart for no reason, and now I just want to go.

God has said "GO"...but why?

Latin Culture

• To be a foreigner in their land, not just a visitor who comes and leaves
• To worship alongside the people of the land, who know the same God I know, but worship Him in a different way 
• To learn their language and share life together
• Cause God has put the desire in my heart for other culture, countries, people
• To be challenged...I know it will not be easy, and I know I will be lonely, but I want to grow in that area
• To seek God through this experience and How He wants to use me for His kingdom
• To meet new people
• To expand my view of God's world

As I think about what I will do while there and why I want to go...here are the words that come to mind:

• "GO"
• Learn              ROCK
• Travel
• Trust                                     Become                         Passion
• LIVE
• Belong
• Kingdom Come
• Missional Heart
• Grow
• Support                                        Obey
• Help
• Step of Faith
• REST                                                                  Rejoice
• New Experience                                                      Glory
• Nations                                Language              Food                                                                                 Encourage
• Culture
• People                                                                          Worship

Here's what I know:

I want to go to Latin America- I studied for 7 years in school and minored in Spanish, yet today...I am not fluent. I believe language is a huge part of experience culture and getting to know people and who they really are. Why would God have given me that desire to keep studying Spanish if not for His glory through learning about His people in Latin America. 

I want to be a blessing wherever I go- I don't need a specific job; "You're going here to do this specific thing"...I just want to go and serve where there is a need. 

Couple options to go- sending agency, OCI, or through my church partnering with a church or smaller ministry. My prayer is the Lord would open doors so I can walk through and close doors which need to be shut. I long to be faithful to take one step in front of the other one as I walk through life being filled by the spirit every step of the way. 

I just need to be myself. There are so many times I feel like I am not quite good enough. These are lies that consume me, and feel like those around me are expecting me to be this person, that I am just not. I want to grow, yes of course...but God has created me with the mind that I have, with the abilities that I have, with the gifts that I have...all from Him and for Him. Often I find myself consumed with who I am NOT, rather than with who I am. I AM a daughter of Christ, made in the image of Christ, designed for a purpose- to bring glory to my Lord through the life He has blessed me to live, an encourager, a lover of people, a leader, a passionate person for the Lord. 

So what's holding me back:

I think I'm waiting for all the chips to line up, for clarity, for an exact time to go, for conversations to happen, to know exactly why I am going to I can get supporters, why to go, who to go with...God is not asking me to have all of that figured out, so why is that holding me back. basically it comes down to a lack of faith which is holding me back. 

As you read this blog I would you to join with me: 

The Most important thing I could ask you for is to PRAY

prayer changes reality.

A couple things to pray for...Direction, Timing, Trust, that my faith will grow, Opportunities to open up, for the Lord's will for my life, for conversations, that the Lord will continue to work in and through me during this time, that this stays fully and completely about the Lord.